Touchy Subject...

MissFancyChick · 03-28-2005, 12:41 PM

I just wanted some opinions on this...
My parents have always raised us kids in the Christian Church. We grew up in Seattle and didnt get very involved in the powwow community until I was about 10 or 11. A lot of our friends and aquaintences have had deaths in their families and so many havent began dancing again... So my parents asked that when they pass, they dont want us to stop dancing, they dont want us to cut our hair... I hear a lot of opinions on how long people mourn... what about us, when it is our time to mourn... what will they say about us? that we didnt care? They dont want us to stop dancing because they love to watch us dance and we see how many people dont come back to the circle.. so what is your opinion about this... I think that i will of course not contest dance when the time comes... but these are their wishes...

**chazziff** · 03-28-2005, 05:24 PM

i would follow your parents wishes...other people can be quite hateful though - "ooh did you here so and so was dancin this weekend and her grandmother passed two months ago" DANG some people should just keep things to themselves - especially if they don't know the specifics...trying to push THEIR believes and traditions upon other people.

MissFancyChick · 03-28-2005, 06:02 PM

yeah that sounds like the best thing... I should just let the ppl know that really matter... what my parents wishes are... it is so hard to learn all the customs, traditions and expectations when you arent brought up in the culture your whole life... I just dont want to offend anyone... I know some people really take this to heart... I love my parents and want to do what they wish...

I've recently moved here from Seattle, onto the Rez and everything is so different... so im just getting used to it all

Fat Albert · 03-29-2005, 12:16 AM

I think it is between you and your family. I was always taught that sitting out or whatever people do to mourn was to honor those that passed. If it honors your folks for you to keep dancing... so be it. As long as that is their desire and you have talked about it.

Kio-Manche · 03-29-2005, 12:59 AM

I think these have been some very good responses. It is a tradition of my tribe to observe a time of mourning, and the length of time is a personal matter. I know some people who mourn for exact time periods, and others vary. I think the important thing is when we lose a loved one, that we mourn.... period. How we do it should be a personal matter, too. IMO..... Personally, i take time away from the arena. How long I take depends on how close i am to an individual as well as that individuals wishes. My elders told me, they like us boys dancing, and if we do take time away from the arena, not to take too much time away.
Numunu

Smokin' Ace · 03-30-2005, 02:11 AM

I agree with Numunu - you need to do what feels right. Everyone is different....best to you.

**First Lady** · 03-30-2005, 12:26 PM

I agree these are some good responds. I think you should do what feels right to YOU. Since you weren't always raised with "traditions" then it's up to you to decide what's gonna fit with your life and your traditions. If your parents don't want you to stop dancing then don't...unless you want to stop...and if so...then talk to your parents about this before it's too late. You'll feel much better about your decision. As far as cutting your hair....same thing...do what you think fits in your life!

Pila!

MissFancyChick · 03-30-2005, 01:44 PM

Its Really Nice To Hear All This... I Know What I Want To Do... I Know What They Want Me To Do... But On The Other Hand I Know How Ppl Talk... I Just Wont Be Bothered With That... I Just Pray I Dont Have To Worry About Any Of It For A Looooooong Time!
Thank You All For Your Input !!

Brisa26 · 03-30-2005, 02:36 PM

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Camp7Kiowa · 03-30-2005, 02:54 PM

The real traditional way in my tribes is to mourn for a whole year but not many people observe this way. Also you'er suppose to burn ALL thats persons belongings. A friend of my put it this way and I thought it was good advice--when you can go into the arena and dance and not cry or feel bad then it is time to stop mourning.

peachy keen · 03-30-2005, 03:05 PM

Enjoy your dance now. Don't worry about the future and what may or what may not happen. Stay in today and you will find peace in that. I trust that when we let things go and things come then we feel in our heart at the time what is right, then it won't make a difference what anyone thinks or says.

**Wojapi4Me** · 03-30-2005, 03:41 PM

Respect your parent's wishes for sure. :)

Also, don't worry about what others think. Just to let you know, by moving to a rez, you just moved to one of the most busy-body places on the face of the earth...get used to it and laugh.

MissFancyChick · 03-30-2005, 03:47 PM

omg !1 i know !! its crazy how much everyone is in everyone else's business !! i knew it was like that when i moved but not so much !! hahaha
yeah i like it out here... its a lot quieter but... then again, NOT... lol

Fat Albert · 03-30-2005, 05:21 PM

People that get into other business... now there is something new! As long as things are right between you and your family, let others think what they want. My guess is their life is out of balance if they have time to keep up with yours. Besides, if they were truly keeping up, they would know that the family has made a decision and leave that to them. I always figured they are too busy living other peoples lives to enjoy theirs. Each to their own so don't sweat it. God, family and then Jerry Springer!

03-28-2005, 12:41 PM	#1 (permalink)
MissFancyChick Fancy Schmancy Dancer Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: formerly in Seattle, now i live in Eastern Washington on the Colville Rez Posts: 219	Touchy Subject... I just wanted some opinions on this... My parents have always raised us kids in the Christian Church. We grew up in Seattle and didnt get very involved in the powwow community until I was about 10 or 11. A lot of our friends and aquaintences have had deaths in their families and so many havent began dancing again... So my parents asked that when they pass, they dont want us to stop dancing, they dont want us to cut our hair... I hear a lot of opinions on how long people mourn... what about us, when it is our time to mourn... what will they say about us? that we didnt care? They dont want us to stop dancing because they love to watch us dance and we see how many people dont come back to the circle.. so what is your opinion about this... I think that i will of course not contest dance when the time comes... but these are their wishes... __________________ Love the Dance... Feel the Drum

03-28-2005, 05:24 PM	#2 (permalink)
chazziff YO!! Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: in a big sleigh bed Posts: 6,517	i would follow your parents wishes...other people can be quite hateful though - "ooh did you here so and so was dancin this weekend and her grandmother passed two months ago" DANG some people should just keep things to themselves - especially if they don't know the specifics...trying to push THEIR believes and traditions upon other people. __________________ See I wanna move, but can't escape from you So I keep it low, keep a secret code So everybody else don't have to know So keep ya love locked down

03-28-2005, 06:02 PM	#3 (permalink)
MissFancyChick Fancy Schmancy Dancer Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: formerly in Seattle, now i live in Eastern Washington on the Colville Rez Posts: 219	Thank You yeah that sounds like the best thing... I should just let the ppl know that really matter... what my parents wishes are... it is so hard to learn all the customs, traditions and expectations when you arent brought up in the culture your whole life... I just dont want to offend anyone... I know some people really take this to heart... I love my parents and want to do what they wish... I've recently moved here from Seattle, onto the Rez and everything is so different... so im just getting used to it all __________________ Love the Dance... Feel the Drum

03-29-2005, 12:59 AM	#5 (permalink)
Kio-Manche a.k.a Numunu1971 Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Ponca City, Ok. Born and Raised in Lawton Ok. Posts: 1,603	Good Responses I think these have been some very good responses. It is a tradition of my tribe to observe a time of mourning, and the length of time is a personal matter. I know some people who mourn for exact time periods, and others vary. I think the important thing is when we lose a loved one, that we mourn.... period. How we do it should be a personal matter, too. IMO..... Personally, i take time away from the arena. How long I take depends on how close i am to an individual as well as that individuals wishes. My elders told me, they like us boys dancing, and if we do take time away from the arena, not to take too much time away. Numunu __________________ Kio-Manche Oklahoma Proud!!!

03-30-2005, 02:11 AM	#6 (permalink)
Smokin' Ace Arena Director Join Date: Jul 2000 Location: United States Posts: 4,112	I agree with Numunu - you need to do what feels right. Everyone is different....best to you. __________________ Everything is gonna be alright! Be blessed - got love??? This b me..... www.myspace.com/akayo

03-29-2005, 12:16 AM	#4 (permalink)
Fat Albert Eater of all frybread!! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Planet Earth Posts: 331	I think it is between you and your family. I was always taught that sitting out or whatever people do to mourn was to honor those that passed. If it honors your folks for you to keep dancing... so be it. As long as that is their desire and you have talked about it.

03-30-2005, 12:26 PM	#7 (permalink)
First Lady My Give-A-Damn's Busted! Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Hunkpapa Land Posts: 931	I agree these are some good responds. I think you should do what feels right to YOU. Since you weren't always raised with "traditions" then it's up to you to decide what's gonna fit with your life and your traditions. If your parents don't want you to stop dancing then don't...unless you want to stop...and if so...then talk to your parents about this before it's too late. You'll feel much better about your decision. As far as cutting your hair....same thing...do what you think fits in your life! Pila!

03-30-2005, 01:44 PM	#8 (permalink)
MissFancyChick Fancy Schmancy Dancer Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: formerly in Seattle, now i live in Eastern Washington on the Colville Rez Posts: 219	Its Really Nice To Hear All This... I Know What I Want To Do... I Know What They Want Me To Do... But On The Other Hand I Know How Ppl Talk... I Just Wont Be Bothered With That... I Just Pray I Dont Have To Worry About Any Of It For A Looooooong Time! Thank You All For Your Input !! __________________ Love the Dance... Feel the Drum

03-30-2005, 02:36 PM	#9 (permalink)
Brisa26 n/a Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 163	. Last edited by Brisa26; 04-13-2008 at 05:06 PM.

03-30-2005, 02:54 PM	#10 (permalink)
Camp7Kiowa Teen Dancer Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 291	The real traditional way in my tribes is to mourn for a whole year but not many people observe this way. Also you'er suppose to burn ALL thats persons belongings. A friend of my put it this way and I thought it was good advice--when you can go into the arena and dance and not cry or feel bad then it is time to stop mourning.

03-30-2005, 03:05 PM	#11 (permalink)
peachy keen Pow Wow Visitor Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 20	Enjoy your dance now. Don't worry about the future and what may or what may not happen. Stay in today and you will find peace in that. I trust that when we let things go and things come then we feel in our heart at the time what is right, then it won't make a difference what anyone thinks or says.

03-30-2005, 03:41 PM	#12 (permalink)
Wojapi4Me Kili! Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Tha Rez Posts: 1,515	Respect your parent's wishes for sure. :) Also, don't worry about what others think. Just to let you know, by moving to a rez, you just moved to one of the most busy-body places on the face of the earth...get used to it and laugh. __________________ If pro is the opposite of con, then wouldn't progress be the opposite of...lol

03-30-2005, 03:47 PM	#13 (permalink)
MissFancyChick Fancy Schmancy Dancer Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: formerly in Seattle, now i live in Eastern Washington on the Colville Rez Posts: 219	omg !1 i know !! its crazy how much everyone is in everyone else's business !! i knew it was like that when i moved but not so much !! hahaha yeah i like it out here... its a lot quieter but... then again, NOT... lol __________________ Love the Dance... Feel the Drum

03-30-2005, 05:21 PM	#14 (permalink)
Fat Albert Eater of all frybread!! Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Planet Earth Posts: 331	People that get into other business... now there is something new! As long as things are right between you and your family, let others think what they want. My guess is their life is out of balance if they have time to keep up with yours. Besides, if they were truly keeping up, they would know that the family has made a decision and leave that to them. I always figured they are too busy living other peoples lives to enjoy theirs. Each to their own so don't sweat it. God, family and then Jerry Springer!

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