When to Dance after a Death in the Family

Leslie Stonechild · 02-21-2005, 11:32 AM

Last summer I lost my Mother.

I have been wanting to dance for the past 3 years.

I haven't finished making my outfit.

What is the protocol on this? When can/should I dance?

We weren't a pow-wow family as I am the first in my family walking this road.

I live in Central Alberta but my family is from Southern Saskatchewan.

rachelg196 · 02-21-2005, 12:24 PM

Sorry for your great loss last year. My family just suffered a loss 3 wks ago. There are a few of us dancers in our family, and some more that will be coming out when we have her memorial powwow next February/March. I believe the time is one year from when the family member passed to the next time you can dance again.

But you can work on your outfit. I gotta do my dress, my niece's shawl outfit and my son's outfit. Lots of work!

hoov4450 · 03-08-2005, 07:20 PM

one year is standerd. but in the end it's up too you. follow yor heart. me and my mom have talked about this. she has told me to go on. but i will mourn. when i feel it is time i will get my hair brushed out and enter the circle again. i am most sorry for your loss.

nativedancer5 · 03-08-2005, 07:43 PM

sorry to hear about your loss. my brother and sister in law were killed 4 years ago coming home from one of his fav pow wows and we had talked when our mother passed about when to dance again and decided that the best way to honor her was to dance and remember that we are now dancing for her also. so now i carry or wear something from their outfit everytime I enter the circle and I don't contest anymore for this reason. but this is my families way.

hoov4450 · 03-08-2005, 08:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nativedancer5

sorry to hear about your loss. my brother and sister in law were killed 4 years ago coming home from one of his fav pow wows and we had talked when our mother passed about when to dance again and decided that the best way to honor her was to dance and remember that we are now dancing for her also. so now i carry or wear something from their outfit everytime I enter the circle and I don't contest anymore for this reason. but this is my families way.

liv'en life in a good way. it doesn't get any better.

**chazziff** · 03-08-2005, 11:56 PM

i believe personally that it is totally you and your families' decision.

long ago they didn't have calendars and went by the seasons. they also didn't have pow wows like they have now. but they did have periods of mourning. when someone passed in the summer maybe your period of mourning ended the next summer.

i don't know for sure and haven't read anything on the subject - just ideas coming down from my family.

if you feel like resuming your "normal" life and feel strong enough to dance sooner than other people - go for it. then on the same token - i don't "condemn" some one for returning to the circle sooner than others - i don't know what is going on in their lives. every one and every tribe is different. dance when you are ready and if you want dance for your mother, yourself, and your family.

**Kakeeya** · 03-09-2005, 12:37 PM

All good words from everyone that posted

All I have to add would be to see your own Nations elders or speak to your family that might know about these things and ask them what would be the proper thing to do.

Our way here is to wait for a year, but it's very seldom that I see people actually observing this traditional law. I know of Nations that get right back into everything right away with no period of mourning so like what was stated before, every Nation is different and then within those Nations, every family is different.

Many prayers to you for the loss of your Mother.

**bahnisiain** · 03-10-2005, 02:16 PM

a few years back my great aunt died and we waited a year. not all trips to the year waiting period. from what i heard, its at least 6 months to no maxium. i think if you wait a year, see how you feel. when summer comes, you may not feel like dancing. i read in whispering wind about the whole waiting after a death that families will still go to pow wows, but won't dance. they were laying out.

**First Lady** · 03-14-2005, 12:28 PM

:hello

I agree that it is ultimately up to you. You should talk this over with your family though, they may have a tradition. Generally, around here it's a year that one waits.

Tsiniti · 03-26-2005, 10:53 PM

My oldest Brother is dying from Lung Cancer, his words to me (knowing that there are three Pow Wows coming up that I Help with and Dance in) were to NOT QUIT DANCING! To Dance one for him! He knows I can't dance all that great, I have back and hip problems, and do good to even finish one round, let alone a whole dance (Cloth Dance but only during Intertribal) so when the time comes, rather than not dancing out of mouring, I must dance, regardless how my heart (or hip) feels, I MUST dance just one dance in his honor! He's proud that I even try to get out there, and wants me to be able to until the time comes that I can no longer dance at all.

woggs · 03-27-2005, 03:16 AM

Sorry to hear about a death...
but about your question..it differs..some people wait..and some don't, depends on your own beliefs..

powwow_twinkle · 04-06-2005, 12:42 PM

I'm sorry to hear about your losses.

I lost my sister not too long ago either. I remember she told me that whatever happens, I should always dance. I've talked to my family about this and we agreed on waiting at least a month because it was her wish. I had a dream where she was telling me to move on and that she was in a better place. From this, I started dancing again.

I think that it's all up to how you are feeling. Some people were telling me that dancing is a way of healing. I believe that but then again, I know it's hard because it's like you can feel them. I think that when this happens, talk to some elders and ask around at powwows because there are some friendly people out there who are willing to answer these kinds of questions with a lot of knowledge. Good luck.

powwowgirl4life · 05-02-2005, 04:49 AM

I know this isn't my thread but I have a quetion too ok...

when i was little (about 8 or 9 maybe 10) my pawpaw died and i started dancing for the first time EVER last year is it not right to still cry/mourn over him and dance

i mean i feel he looks down when i dance and is so proud my granny tells me he'd be proud

and i still mourn over friend who've died/commited suicide should i NOT dance because i still mourn/cry?

02-21-2005, 11:32 AM	#1 (permalink)
Leslie Stonechild Junior Dancer Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Red Deer AB Posts: 158	When to Dance after a Death in the Family Last summer I lost my Mother. I have been wanting to dance for the past 3 years. I haven't finished making my outfit. What is the protocol on this? When can/should I dance? We weren't a pow-wow family as I am the first in my family walking this road. I live in Central Alberta but my family is from Southern Saskatchewan. __________________ Where's the Pow-wow at????

02-21-2005, 12:24 PM	#2 (permalink)
rachelg196 Gotta get dancin' again Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Bay Area Posts: 113	First off. Sorry for your great loss last year. My family just suffered a loss 3 wks ago. There are a few of us dancers in our family, and some more that will be coming out when we have her memorial powwow next February/March. I believe the time is one year from when the family member passed to the next time you can dance again. But you can work on your outfit. I gotta do my dress, my niece's shawl outfit and my son's outfit. Lots of work! __________________ Rachel

03-08-2005, 11:56 PM	#6 (permalink)
chazziff got me beggin ya 4 mercy Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Sneakin food to da Marine in my closet in the Big Blue House on Da Hill Posts: 4,936	i believe personally that it is totally you and your families' decision. long ago they didn't have calendars and went by the seasons. they also didn't have pow wows like they have now. but they did have periods of mourning. when someone passed in the summer maybe your period of mourning ended the next summer. i don't know for sure and haven't read anything on the subject - just ideas coming down from my family. if you feel like resuming your "normal" life and feel strong enough to dance sooner than other people - go for it. then on the same token - i don't "condemn" some one for returning to the circle sooner than others - i don't know what is going on in their lives. every one and every tribe is different. dance when you are ready and if you want dance for your mother, yourself, and your family. __________________ The sun will shine, This i swear, This i swear, This i swear ~~METALLICA~~

03-10-2005, 02:16 PM	#8 (permalink)
bahnisiain Eastern Blanket Dancer Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: CT Posts: 1,771 Blog Entries: 2	a few years back my great aunt died and we waited a year. not all trips to the year waiting period. from what i heard, its at least 6 months to no maxium. i think if you wait a year, see how you feel. when summer comes, you may not feel like dancing. i read in whispering wind about the whole waiting after a death that families will still go to pow wows, but won't dance. they were laying out. __________________ Bahnisiain www.myspace.com/bahnisiain

03-26-2005, 10:53 PM	#10 (permalink)
Tsiniti Dancin n Vendin Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: TN Posts: 295	My oldest Brother is dying from Lung Cancer, his words to me (knowing that there are three Pow Wows coming up that I Help with and Dance in) were to NOT QUIT DANCING! To Dance one for him! He knows I can't dance all that great, I have back and hip problems, and do good to even finish one round, let alone a whole dance (Cloth Dance but only during Intertribal) so when the time comes, rather than not dancing out of mouring, I must dance, regardless how my heart (or hip) feels, I MUST dance just one dance in his honor! He's proud that I even try to get out there, and wants me to be able to until the time comes that I can no longer dance at all. __________________ Your Heart Shows by how Your Words and Actions Affect Others. Nah I ain't NO WANNABE! I don't gotta wannabe when people wannabe like me!

03-08-2005, 07:20 PM	#3 (permalink)
hoov4450 Teen Dancer Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: lincoln,nebraska Posts: 340	one year is standerd. but in the end it's up too you. follow yor heart. me and my mom have talked about this. she has told me to go on. but i will mourn. when i feel it is time i will get my hair brushed out and enter the circle again. i am most sorry for your loss.

03-08-2005, 07:43 PM	#4 (permalink)
nativedancer5 Senior Dancer Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: richmond, virginia Posts: 972	sorry to hear about your loss. my brother and sister in law were killed 4 years ago coming home from one of his fav pow wows and we had talked when our mother passed about when to dance again and decided that the best way to honor her was to dance and remember that we are now dancing for her also. so now i carry or wear something from their outfit everytime I enter the circle and I don't contest anymore for this reason. but this is my families way.

03-09-2005, 12:37 PM	#7 (permalink)
Kakeeya PowWows.com Addicts Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: By a mountain on the Rez Posts: 2,522	All good words from everyone that posted All I have to add would be to see your own Nations elders or speak to your family that might know about these things and ask them what would be the proper thing to do. Our way here is to wait for a year, but it's very seldom that I see people actually observing this traditional law. I know of Nations that get right back into everything right away with no period of mourning so like what was stated before, every Nation is different and then within those Nations, every family is different. Many prayers to you for the loss of your Mother.

03-14-2005, 12:28 PM	#9 (permalink)
First Lady My Give-A-Damn's Busted! Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Hunkpapa Land Posts: 918	:hello I agree that it is ultimately up to you. You should talk this over with your family though, they may have a tradition. Generally, around here it's a year that one waits.

03-27-2005, 03:16 AM	#11 (permalink)
woggs WillaDaKilla Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Ft. Hall, Idaho Posts: 314 Blog Entries: 5	Sorry to hear about a death... but about your question..it differs..some people wait..and some don't, depends on your own beliefs.. __________________ Nuwa-nu!!..Look at the Yummy Yaha's!!mmmm..mmm Real injun food!! Agai-Dika from the great state of potatoes (Lemhi Shoshone-Bannock). So Don't panic, I'm Bannock. P.S. heres my quote: uncle Gary Abrahamson "Don't sweat the petty things, Pet the sweat things!" : eyelashes: eyelashes: eyelashes

04-06-2005, 12:42 PM	#12 (permalink)
powwow_twinkle powwow_twinkle Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: AZ Posts: 18	I'm sorry to hear about your losses. I lost my sister not too long ago either. I remember she told me that whatever happens, I should always dance. I've talked to my family about this and we agreed on waiting at least a month because it was her wish. I had a dream where she was telling me to move on and that she was in a better place. From this, I started dancing again. I think that it's all up to how you are feeling. Some people were telling me that dancing is a way of healing. I believe that but then again, I know it's hard because it's like you can feel them. I think that when this happens, talk to some elders and ask around at powwows because there are some friendly people out there who are willing to answer these kinds of questions with a lot of knowledge. Good luck. __________________ powwow_twinkle

05-02-2005, 04:49 AM	#13 (permalink)
powwowgirl4life A nobody. Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Tennessee Posts: 62	I know this isn't my thread but I have a quetion too ok... when i was little (about 8 or 9 maybe 10) my pawpaw died and i started dancing for the first time EVER last year is it not right to still cry/mourn over him and dance i mean i feel he looks down when i dance and is so proud my granny tells me he'd be proud and i still mourn over friend who've died/commited suicide should i NOT dance because i still mourn/cry? __________________ WHO I AM