Family Members that DONT pow-wow - Page 3

River Spirit · 07-21-2004, 08:42 PM

None of my immediate family pow-wow. I was adopted out as a child and neither of my adopted parents were ever supportive of my need to find and know my birthfamily. In fact, my adopted Mother is downright hostile when I talk about them, pow-wows, my ex-boyfriend, etc. It's hard because it is so very much a part of me which menas when my adopted family and I are together I have to walk on eggshells and some topics are off limits--unless I want to endure a tongue lashing...It's very discouraging.

morningstar · 08-04-2004, 10:23 PM

My immediate family doesn't go to or dance at pow-wows either. I hope to pass on my love of dancing to my children. I just started getting my nephew dancing.

spirit of seattle-Don't let let your adopted parents get you down. You should get to know your roots. Your hertiage/biological family is unknown to them. They probably don't want to see you get hurt or disconnect from them as "parents".

River Spirit · 08-04-2004, 10:59 PM

Thank you for the encouragement, Morningstar. I know that just this past weekend I took my Mom out to breakfast after Church. She took one look at the eagle feather hanging from my rear view mirror and rolled her eyes. I decided not to react. I just have to do what I have to do!

Thumper · 08-05-2004, 11:10 PM

i agree, Spirit of seattle she's jealous that she wasn't born native.....
:explode: :)

however i don't think that YOU are the one who needs to be walking on eggshells. loving you means loving everything that you are....ndn or not. that includes your heritage, your culture, and your decisions. she is the one who needs to come to terms with what you are. if she can't accept that she should not make it your problem, and she is failing as a "mother". is she aware of prejudices you may have faced growing up? that you were different from your white peers and perhaps a need for "fitting in" drove you to seek out other ndn's and your specific traditions? maybe she feels inadequate b/c that's an area she can't help with and feels that since she can't fill that void, she can't nurture you. i'm sure you've already tried talking to her about it..... :33:

or maybe she just doesn't like feathers.....

or maybe i should shut up now......

and if she yells at you, you'll love that adrenaline rush you'll get from finally telling her how you feel....

River Spirit · 08-06-2004, 12:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by firedupndn

i agree, Spirit of seattle she's jealous that she wasn't born native.....
:explode: :)

however i don't think that YOU are the one who needs to be walking on eggshells. loving you means loving everything that you are....ndn or not. that includes your heritage, your culture, and your decisions. she is the one who needs to come to terms with what you are. if she can't accept that she should not make it your problem, and she is failing as a "mother". is she aware of prejudices you may have faced growing up? that you were different from your white peers and perhaps a need for "fitting in" drove you to seek out other ndn's and your specific traditions? maybe she feels inadequate b/c that's an area she can't help with and feels that since she can't fill that void, she can't nurture you. i'm sure you've already tried talking to her about it..... :33:

or maybe she just doesn't like feathers.....

or maybe i should shut up now...... no need, I know you are sincere and I appreciate your kind words. I was pretty much a loner growing up because I was so 'different' from my classmates. I usually curled up with a good book or went in my room and turned up the stereo. I don't recall either of my folks ever asking me what was wrong or why I wasn't out 'playing' with the other kids. My dad wouldn't even talk about my being adopted--it was a four letter word to him. It was that old 'elephant in the room' thing...there was always 'something' there but it was never discussed. Part of becoming an adult was putting behind always trying to live up to everyone else's expectations and win their approval even if it meant striking out on my own to find out who I was. It wasn't until my adopted Dad died in '91 that I even had the courage to contact the State of Washington about my birthparents and get information on them. You never know what you are going to find though; they had a letter on file from my birthfather's family giving me some basic information--he had died--but also asking that I respect their privacy and not try and contact them. His marrying out of his culture, his even leaving Manitoba for the U.S. did not sit well with them. So, I have done all that I can do short of going against their wishes--I've ventured into places where I wasn't always welcome because I was raised outside the culture; but I've also been welcomed by many. I continue to love pow-wow because it was my first experience learningabout my culture. I don't feel I have the right to dance in regalia, though, because I don't feel I've 'earned' it. So, I stick to inter-tribals. For all that, I can't think of any 'White' celebrations or gatherings where I've felt so connected. I always hate to leave the encampment after a long pow-wow weekend...

and if she yells at you, you'll love that adrenaline rush you'll get from finally telling her how you feel....

Summerwaters · 08-10-2004, 03:03 AM

:39: Spirit of Seattle, I wish to Congratulate you, despite both of your adoptive families objections, for holding fast to your beliefs and following your heart! WTG!

My family is of mixed heritage: My mother was stripped of her Native heritage at a early age, for various reasons. Her Native heritage is: Cherokee/Tuscarora and Black. I am here to say I love Powwows, as does my sister. We have'nt had any teaching(s), but love them just the same. Several years ago we took my Mom to a small Powwow here in Boston, she said: she could'nt identify with the music/singing. Yet to our disbelief, she was the first one sitting with the drummers, tapping her foot oh-so-silently with the most peaceful smile on her face, that only brought about the proudest smiles upon my/sisters faces that words could not explain.

Our only problem is location. Most powwows are considerably far away from us, here in Boston, and getting to them is the obstacle. If we had more here in the city of Boston, I'd tell we would probably live at the various Powwows.

As far as dancing is concerned: It may be a case of too little/too late. Although, I am truly moved in my soul by the music/ :dancing3:. I know if things had been different within my family, and I had been taught my Native heritage, I would have been like a Angel upon the Clouds of Heaven! Singing/Dancing on Clouds of High!

Thank you for allowing me to give my opinion.

Peace & Love to All

Summerwaters

shorty · 08-11-2004, 02:36 PM

i have two family members that dont dance at all they will sit n talk it all down n be real nasty bout it so i never bring them with but still they find a ride n come so they can hang out with their friends n make fun of dancers i hate that its like just dont come then u morron

~then i have a sister that comes n dances but she spends more time in her clothes lookn at boys ok whatever *L*

then i have a lilone that gets mad at me because he wants to spend all his time playing with his friends and he gets mad at me when i make him dance he only wants to dance when its time to get paid

then i have a brother inlaw who puts is outfit on gets signed up and then sits in his vehicle sleeping till its time to get paid even if the pay day is like sunday n sign up day is friday

im not sure how u work around ppl like that my brother inlaw dont get paid alot caz hes not seen dancing ~~yAy i think tha is only fair he shouldnt get paid its not like he danced

guess no matter where u go ppl r always gonna not wanna dance or they think they know Everything n they talk real loud tell`n everyone else what they think bout somtn even though their not right is like SHut up n be quiet please ur embarrassing me *L* so i know where ur coming from

CHEROSAGE · 08-25-2004, 03:56 AM

I too would like to echo the fact that not NDN people don't need to PW to be NDN.

My grand parents didn't PW, though my dads parents did go to watch and visit. My parents didn't do much PWing either. We did go to the Ceremonials. My wifes family didn't PW at all. Her family will go with us sometimes and watch or even help, just not dance/sing.

Many NDNs will attend Ceremonials and not PWs. I refer to Stomps (Green corn, Black Drink, etc.) in the ceremonial catagory. I see several dancers at the Ilonshkas but never at any of the PWs I have attended.

Good topic. Tell your friends and family that have (?)s to ask softly and not loud enough to disturb others as this is rude.

beading_4_ndnz · 08-27-2004, 11:52 AM

[color=Lime]all i know is, my mother raised us in pow wows....the family members that don't pow wow? thats their own decision..........i'm cool with that...........if you want your "family" to pow wow, get them an outfit!............so who the heck took photos at schemitzun this year? i'm still at home working on a pair of spiderman moccasins..............[/COLOR :rainbw: :rainbw: :rainbw: :rainbw: ]

nykari · 08-31-2004, 09:27 AM

Well, when I was about 14 years old, (I am over 30 now….shhh) the MC called for dancers to start lining up for Grand Entry. We get over that way and everyone is standing around still in ‘chilling out’ mode-talking and what-not. So my brother and I are talking with a friend that we met the weekend before….what does my mother do? Gets angry and yells at my brother and me to get lined up. Mind you, no one else had technically lined up either, but we were there. She attracted the attention of practically everyone at the powwow. My brother and I—embarrassed to no end—took out toward our camp and didn’t leave our camp until we went home. Basically, the way I see it, if she felt the need to fuss at us – did she really need to yell at the top of her lungs????

Of course, just a few years ago she sat behind the drum and seemed to feel the need to yell over the drum while they were singing (and recording I might add).

Stlatlimx Woman · 09-07-2004, 02:10 AM

I am sorry to hear about your Dad. One thought that came to mind while reading your posts was: maybe your adoptive parents are reacting with fear (losing you to your birth family) or are feeling insecure because they feel they can't give you everything (native culture, your history). Maybe they are being 'protective' of you?!?

I'm so happy for you :Thumbs for finding a 'connection' through the powwow. I'm happy you found the courage to look for some of the answers to your questions. I feel sorry for your birth-father's family, to be missing out on meeting family.

:34:....perhaps your birth-father's family changed their mind about no contact or perhaps it is just one or two people who don't want that connection with you?!?

What ever the case may be....The loss is theirs!

Cherokee1971 · 09-07-2004, 05:25 PM

I am cherokee but was not brought up in the native ways so I am learning as I go he is iroquise and was also not brought up in the native ways we went to one pow wow and I was at peace in my heart so then I decided I wanted to dance I had someone help make my regalia and my husband made me a knife from a bucks rack it was very nice and simple but when i want to go to or join in on these pow wows he always seems to get mad . I just went to help with a show with a dance troop from pa on sunday and after an hour of being there he made me leave but till this days he says he is more native than I will ever be which hurts, my heart is red and that is all there is to it. now my son is 3 and he wants to dance like mommy as he says I told that to my husband and he gave me a really disturbed look. So I dont know what to do.

**AngelFeather** · 09-07-2004, 10:26 PM

Hiya Peeps,
I have just started to appreciate pow wows for what they really are. I admit I struggled for many years with My Native Identity, I was brought up to be ashamed of who I was and the negative stereotypes that go along with being Native, I was adopted and really not allowed to explore my culture until I was older. Now that i have 5 beautiful daughters I'll be damned If i let anyone take what was taken away from me. So now that My daughters have actually seen a Pow Wow in real life they are excited and now want to dance themselves, Lukily I have numerous freinds that have hit the pow wow trail and can guide me thru it while making the dresses, helping the girls learn the steps and all that wonderful stuff. I have spent the past few weeks of this summer to make up some designs for thier dresses and the look in my girls' eyes is priceless. I cant wait till Im all finished with them and see my daughters in thier outfits!!! So look out I may just be buggin alot of ya here with questions and ideas.
AngelFeather

07-21-2004, 08:42 PM	#41 (permalink)
River Spirit Senior Dancer Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Sacramento CA on the American River Posts: 800	None of my immediate family pow-wow. I was adopted out as a child and neither of my adopted parents were ever supportive of my need to find and know my birthfamily. In fact, my adopted Mother is downright hostile when I talk about them, pow-wows, my ex-boyfriend, etc. It's hard because it is so very much a part of me which menas when my adopted family and I are together I have to walk on eggshells and some topics are off limits--unless I want to endure a tongue lashing...It's very discouraging. __________________ "The Cleveland Indians are going to change their name. They don't want to be known as a team that perpetuates racial stereotypes. From now on they're just going to be called the Indians." - Native Comedian Vaughn Eaglebear, Colville/Lakota

08-04-2004, 10:23 PM	#42 (permalink)
morningstar Junior Dancer Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Northland of MN Posts: 176	My immediate family doesn't go to or dance at pow-wows either. I hope to pass on my love of dancing to my children. I just started getting my nephew dancing. spirit of seattle-Don't let let your adopted parents get you down. You should get to know your roots. Your hertiage/biological family is unknown to them. They probably don't want to see you get hurt or disconnect from them as "parents". __________________ Sometimes dreams are wiser than waking. -Black Elk

08-04-2004, 10:59 PM	#43 (permalink)
River Spirit Senior Dancer Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Sacramento CA on the American River Posts: 800	Thank you for the encouragement, Morningstar. I know that just this past weekend I took my Mom out to breakfast after Church. She took one look at the eagle feather hanging from my rear view mirror and rolled her eyes. I decided not to react. I just have to do what I have to do! __________________ "The Cleveland Indians are going to change their name. They don't want to be known as a team that perpetuates racial stereotypes. From now on they're just going to be called the Indians." - Native Comedian Vaughn Eaglebear, Colville/Lakota

08-05-2004, 11:10 PM	#44 (permalink)
Thumper ROCKIN' THE FREE WORLD Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: ALBUQUERQUE, NM Posts: 574	i agree, Spirit of seattle she's jealous that she wasn't born native..... :explode: :) however i don't think that YOU are the one who needs to be walking on eggshells. loving you means loving everything that you are....ndn or not. that includes your heritage, your culture, and your decisions. she is the one who needs to come to terms with what you are. if she can't accept that she should not make it your problem, and she is failing as a "mother". is she aware of prejudices you may have faced growing up? that you were different from your white peers and perhaps a need for "fitting in" drove you to seek out other ndn's and your specific traditions? maybe she feels inadequate b/c that's an area she can't help with and feels that since she can't fill that void, she can't nurture you. i'm sure you've already tried talking to her about it..... :33: or maybe she just doesn't like feathers..... or maybe i should shut up now...... and if she yells at you, you'll love that adrenaline rush you'll get from finally telling her how you feel.... __________________ if i could change i would, take back the pain i would. retrace every wrong move that i made i would. stand up and take the blame i would. i would take all my shame to the grave KEEP ON ROCKIN' IN THE FREE WORLD! WHAT'S 5'8 200lbs and HARD ALL OVER? how come everytime i turn around someone is speaking spanish to me? this is new HONOR THY CHILDREN Last edited by Thumper; 08-05-2004 at 11:16 PM.

08-10-2004, 03:03 AM	#46 (permalink)
Summerwaters Junior Dancer Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 167	Does Your Family Powwow? :39: Spirit of Seattle, I wish to Congratulate you, despite both of your adoptive families objections, for holding fast to your beliefs and following your heart! WTG! My family is of mixed heritage: My mother was stripped of her Native heritage at a early age, for various reasons. Her Native heritage is: Cherokee/Tuscarora and Black. I am here to say I love Powwows, as does my sister. We have'nt had any teaching(s), but love them just the same. Several years ago we took my Mom to a small Powwow here in Boston, she said: she could'nt identify with the music/singing. Yet to our disbelief, she was the first one sitting with the drummers, tapping her foot oh-so-silently with the most peaceful smile on her face, that only brought about the proudest smiles upon my/sisters faces that words could not explain. Our only problem is location. Most powwows are considerably far away from us, here in Boston, and getting to them is the obstacle. If we had more here in the city of Boston, I'd tell we would probably live at the various Powwows. As far as dancing is concerned: It may be a case of too little/too late. Although, I am truly moved in my soul by the music/ :dancing3:. I know if things had been different within my family, and I had been taught my Native heritage, I would have been like a Angel upon the Clouds of Heaven! Singing/Dancing on Clouds of High! Thank you for allowing me to give my opinion. Peace & Love to All Summerwaters

08-11-2004, 02:36 PM	#47 (permalink)
shorty Senior Dancer Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Minnesota Posts: 686	i dont get ot ethier L i have two family members that dont dance at all they will sit n talk it all down n be real nasty bout it so i never bring them with but still they find a ride n come so they can hang out with their friends n make fun of dancers i hate that its like just dont come then u morron ~then i have a sister that comes n dances but she spends more time in her clothes lookn at boys ok whatever L then i have a lilone that gets mad at me because he wants to spend all his time playing with his friends and he gets mad at me when i make him dance he only wants to dance when its time to get paid then i have a brother inlaw who puts is outfit on gets signed up and then sits in his vehicle sleeping till its time to get paid even if the pay day is like sunday n sign up day is friday im not sure how u work around ppl like that my brother inlaw dont get paid alot caz hes not seen dancing ~~yAy i think tha is only fair he shouldnt get paid its not like he danced guess no matter where u go ppl r always gonna not wanna dance or they think they know Everything n they talk real loud tell`n everyone else what they think bout somtn even though their not right is like SHut up n be quiet please ur embarrassing me L so i know where ur coming from

08-25-2004, 03:56 AM	#48 (permalink)
CHEROSAGE Pow Wow Committee Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: , mo Posts: 1,342	I too would like to echo the fact that not NDN people don't need to PW to be NDN. My grand parents didn't PW, though my dads parents did go to watch and visit. My parents didn't do much PWing either. We did go to the Ceremonials. My wifes family didn't PW at all. Her family will go with us sometimes and watch or even help, just not dance/sing. Many NDNs will attend Ceremonials and not PWs. I refer to Stomps (Green corn, Black Drink, etc.) in the ceremonial catagory. I see several dancers at the Ilonshkas but never at any of the PWs I have attended. Good topic. Tell your friends and family that have (?)s to ask softly and not loud enough to disturb others as this is rude. __________________ BOB

08-31-2004, 09:27 AM	#50 (permalink)
nykari Junior Dancer Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 164	Family Members that You DON'T powwow with Well, when I was about 14 years old, (I am over 30 now….shhh) the MC called for dancers to start lining up for Grand Entry. We get over that way and everyone is standing around still in ‘chilling out’ mode-talking and what-not. So my brother and I are talking with a friend that we met the weekend before….what does my mother do? Gets angry and yells at my brother and me to get lined up. Mind you, no one else had technically lined up either, but we were there. She attracted the attention of practically everyone at the powwow. My brother and I—embarrassed to no end—took out toward our camp and didn’t leave our camp until we went home. Basically, the way I see it, if she felt the need to fuss at us – did she really need to yell at the top of her lungs???? Of course, just a few years ago she sat behind the drum and seemed to feel the need to yell over the drum while they were singing (and recording I might add). __________________ When you turn your back on me, don't expect me to care what you think!!

09-07-2004, 02:10 AM	#51 (permalink)
Stlatlimx Woman Stlatlimx Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Canada Posts: 5	Spirit of Seattle... I am sorry to hear about your Dad. One thought that came to mind while reading your posts was: maybe your adoptive parents are reacting with fear (losing you to your birth family) or are feeling insecure because they feel they can't give you everything (native culture, your history). Maybe they are being 'protective' of you?!? I'm so happy for you :Thumbs for finding a 'connection' through the powwow. I'm happy you found the courage to look for some of the answers to your questions. I feel sorry for your birth-father's family, to be missing out on meeting family. :34:....perhaps your birth-father's family changed their mind about no contact or perhaps it is just one or two people who don't want that connection with you?!? What ever the case may be....The loss is theirs! __________________ Stlatlimx Woman :43:

09-07-2004, 05:25 PM	#52 (permalink)
Cherokee1971 Tiny Tot Dancer Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 67	my husband just dont understand I am cherokee but was not brought up in the native ways so I am learning as I go he is iroquise and was also not brought up in the native ways we went to one pow wow and I was at peace in my heart so then I decided I wanted to dance I had someone help make my regalia and my husband made me a knife from a bucks rack it was very nice and simple but when i want to go to or join in on these pow wows he always seems to get mad . I just went to help with a show with a dance troop from pa on sunday and after an hour of being there he made me leave but till this days he says he is more native than I will ever be which hurts, my heart is red and that is all there is to it. now my son is 3 and he wants to dance like mommy as he says I told that to my husband and he gave me a really disturbed look. So I dont know what to do.

09-07-2004, 10:26 PM	#53 (permalink)
AngelFeather Cloud Dancer Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Heaven Posts: 5,692	Hiya Peeps, I have just started to appreciate pow wows for what they really are. I admit I struggled for many years with My Native Identity, I was brought up to be ashamed of who I was and the negative stereotypes that go along with being Native, I was adopted and really not allowed to explore my culture until I was older. Now that i have 5 beautiful daughters I'll be damned If i let anyone take what was taken away from me. So now that My daughters have actually seen a Pow Wow in real life they are excited and now want to dance themselves, Lukily I have numerous freinds that have hit the pow wow trail and can guide me thru it while making the dresses, helping the girls learn the steps and all that wonderful stuff. I have spent the past few weeks of this summer to make up some designs for thier dresses and the look in my girls' eyes is priceless. I cant wait till Im all finished with them and see my daughters in thier outfits!!! So look out I may just be buggin alot of ya here with questions and ideas. AngelFeather