TheWhiteWolf

Admist the moonlight I lay down my sticks a simple circle will do..

I watch the grazing cattle on the plain, bury my saddness with you..

A set of flash and warmthness sparks a vision in my head..

I see the fire dancing with drums of a thousands anscestors that are now long dead.

Fire dancer, dance with me, swirl me in your dreams of earth.

The hundreds of dances I have in my soul and the one thats ready to give birth.

Fire dancer dance with me, fill my heart of what is meant to be.

Clear my clouded white eyes of what importance.. I am meant to see.

The father whispers through the Sage grass and the flames..

It is not just you... we are all over and I mean more then just names.

__________________
On the top of Mount Shasta the Gods Placed the WhiteWolf.. My name is Shasta, and the name given me is Whitewolf.

OneidaDreamer

Your poem is quite rhymey. I think they rhythm is staggered because of it.

"Clear my clouded white eyes of what importance.. I am meant to see."

Is this a question or a statement? Did you mean "The Importance"?
or were you meaning that the person's eyes were cloudy with rheumatism or cataracts and were made clear by the Creator?

"I see the fire dancing with drums of a thousands anscestors that are now long dead."

I think this line is pretty redundant. The reader would know by mention of "Ancestors" infers that they are now long dead. Although long dead rhymes quite well with the end of the previous line of course.



Don't get me wrong, I do really like this poem. And it made me think of the book People of Fire by. W. Michael Gear and Kathleen O'Neal Gear

I think this poem needs tweaking, and in no way quite done in its incarnation...

TheWhiteWolf

It's acctually about a young white person feeling where they belong in the midst of a simple campfire, being of NAD, a first encounter if you will..Shaz

__________________
On the top of Mount Shasta the Gods Placed the WhiteWolf.. My name is Shasta, and the name given me is Whitewolf.

OneidaDreamer

I thought It bespoke of a white persons perception; metaphorically. I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to offend you or anyone else. That's the last thing I want to do here...

Hakuna Ma Ta Ta my dear...

TheWhiteWolf

no worries here either my friend...Shaz

__________________
On the top of Mount Shasta the Gods Placed the WhiteWolf.. My name is Shasta, and the name given me is Whitewolf.