ashlalee_tsoh

So, I am a Native teen originally from Utah and am involved with a lot of programs to help other troubled and/or non-troubled native teens/students. I've been part of this team called The Standing Tall Team. It involves 10 students from the same area that we are trying to help. The team was organized by a man named Howard Rainer, he's a Toas-Pueblo Indian. I don't know if you have heard or met him, but he's a really good public speaker. Our Mission is to get these teens to graduate high school.

Well, as being part of this group or team, I am suppose to help keep these young ones out of gangs and off drugs. I've tried being their friend, mentor, counselor and many other things, but it's like I have not even gotten through to them. I was wondering, does anyone have any imput on what I could do to help them?

I've meet with several students to see what they are interested in and so on. Some tell me that they want to be better and not want to be belittled by others or they want to make a difference with other people as well. These students that I have spoke with say that people (non-NDNZ) don't think that they can go anywhere, but the rez. That those people have no excpetation from them. So, these kids grow up thinking that that is the only place for them to go to and that is what they are.

Now, I heard this from an 8th grader. I was kind of shocked, I didn't know what to say or how to approach that. I mean, I've never heard or been told that by anyone, nor have I ever gotten that impression from anyone. I've tried to convince them otherwise, but it seems that what these other people say are more important to them and they don't even push on. Some just drop out and give up.

Does anyone out there know of a way or anything, to help me out here? When I go back this coming school year, I am starting over with a clean slate. I mean, these kids, everytime I meet with them, they act like we've never had any kind of talk about something like this before. I just don't know what to do anymore. The team and I are going to have a meeting and we are going to throw in all kinds of ideas, so any from you would help a lot. . .

oh^wise^woman

You've taken the first step and thats more then most have probly done. These kids most likely and i'm only speculating-havent' been brought up in homes that expressed self esteem or confidence. They can't just embrace what you want because you 'want' them to. it's something they must learn on their own and believe in themselves first. Reinforcement is the key. Let them know you and the other volunteers won't back out on them and you believe in them. Let them know self pity is a no no. Give them something to believe in and stand tall and confident.

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ashlalee_tsoh

Unfortunatly that's what I've been doing. I don't push it on them. I let them set their own goals or what they want to accomplish. I just tell them ways that they can get it done, if they want it bad. The problem is, when I ask in about 3 weeks, what they have done to achieve these, they say "I've been too busy." Or "I got involved with something else." And the something else and the whole being busy, is the gangs or drugs. I know these students. I grew up with half of them or they are related, and it's awful watching them throw their lives away because someone said they are only going to end up back on the rez. I try to tell them people who have accomplished a lot, you know, maybe a little push to show them that ending up on the rez isnt the answer. I think there is only one out there that I've talked with that has done something, but that's because I'm there to rag on her 24/7. (She's my little sister)

Blackbear

Part of it also might be that they don't want to leave the rez. Don't make it seem like a negative to be on the rez, remember your family and culture is there as well as your friends and what's familiar... maybe emphasize that they can do more for their people by graduating and getting a higher education but kinda the way you are describing what you do, it almost sounds like your saying that their life is'nt good enough the way it is and that they should want to escape. Now I'm not saying that's your intention or even your line of thinking, but that's how it sounds to me when presented. And when presented that way, it's almost the same as those folks saying that they don't matter and won't amount to nothing but end back up on the rez... am I making any sense?

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DANTS

Sounds like you've made a valiant effort, thus far. Don't forget that what you're doing doesn't always get instant results. From what I can see you are planting seeds that will sometime down the road bear the fruit of your labors. Stay positive and as Howard would say, "Never give up!"

One approach might be gathering a panel of successful Native role models in your area and have scripted questions for the students to pose in order to give the panel members an opportunity to discuss the challenges faced by today's Native Youth. It's human nature for us to believe only after we see......"seeing is believing." Once these young adults have learned of the obstacles overcome by Native role models, they should be encouraged and motivated to do the same.

Keep up the good work and may the creator bless you for your efforts.

ashlalee_tsoh

Well, the thing is we are in the city. They only go to the rez like once evey few months. I guess you're right, I mean I don't come off like that in person or anything. It's not that their lives aren't good, it's just that they think that's as far as they can get, but they want more. And they dont even try. They have goals and such in mind, but it's like they think it's too big for them or something. Like they are only dreams and can't get to it. I don't understand. It's just too hard. Some try to get me to give up on them, they would purposely go out and get into trouble to get rid of me. I told them the more they try, the more I was going to be there so they know that I wont give up because when I had first talked with them, that's what they said, "It's like everyone gives up on me." I just find it so sad, I try to help, but I guess it's more like pushing. . .I guess next year I will lay off, just a little bit more. . .

oh^wise^woman

I might come across a little harsh here. but i'm just beini honest. I've read your posts here ashalee and from the way i'm reading it sounds like your making excuses for these kids. for example 'well the thing is live in the city' - 'unfortunately that's what I'm doing'. i've worked in the inner city programs to and volunteered and continue to do so and felt your same frustration. but if you reach 1 kid thats more than 1 that can aspire to anything he or she wants to be and believe in him or herself. the last thing you need to do is get all caught up in the ones who aren't and consentrate on those that do! good job though to bad there aren't more teens like you.

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WhoMe

Ashlalee,

I want to commend you for your compassion to help your fellow Native peers graduate.

You have an excellent mentor in Howard Ranier. He has many years of experience. Have you talked to him one-on-one with your concerns? He always seems to have good advice in these types of situations.

Stick in there girl. Rome wasn't built in a day and neither are new habits and ways of life.



"If you can at least reach the leader, the others will follow."

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"Today, recognizing and respecting the origins of powwow aids in our Cultural Survival. If enough people break the rules because they are not satisfied...."We will have no culture."

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ndnmama80

I agree with DANTS, maybe bringin in some good role models could help. But also I think it would help if you brought in someone who has made the wrong choices in life to the point where it's affected their daily life, and perhaps has changed their life around. You know, someone these kids can relate to and has had the same struggles as them. I admire you for what you're doin and you are doin good and all, but maybe these kids can't relate to you and that's why you can't get through to them. My brother was involved in gangs since he was very young and became very well known in our city. When he turned his life around, he began speaking at schools and anti-gang conferences. I know he affected alot of people, even in his death. Alot of people then decided to "drop their flags".

These kids I'm sure have been told what good will come by making the right choices, but have they been spoken to about what could happen if they don't? They should learn the consequences for the bad choices they are or might be makin. They don't wanna end up on welfare cuz they can't find a good job because they didn't finish high school. These kids don't know what they haven't lived, so maybe someone who has can give them a reality check.

But do keep givin them props for what they have done and encourage them to keep it up. Tell them what a waste it would be to quit school after going almost all their lives. What would it all have been for if they weren't gonna finish? And don't give up on them, cuz they are worth your time and help and hopefully they will realize that.

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WhoMe

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"Today, recognizing and respecting the origins of powwow aids in our Cultural Survival. If enough people break the rules because they are not satisfied...."We will have no culture."

WhoMe

suzyq

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the darkness, the winds are all listening to what we have to say." **Geronimo

ashlalee_tsoh

I thank all who have given me their input! I really am happy about it all.

As for the ones that know Howard, he's great, isn't? I would talk with him about it, but he is always out of town. Everytime I call him he has something already and is booked for something else. He knows it's important and all, but then again, he's going out to do what I just came back from doing.

Don't worry about being harsh. I mean, I posted this knowing that it wouldn't all be frosting. I mean, I've gotten use to being told harsh things, and I don't let it get me down. I use it to my advantage and push forward keeping that in mind so I can improve on it.

Having people come in and do the questioning isn't that easy. We can't find people who will do it for free or who has time. I don't know if they think it's important or not, but most say they have work or an appointment, so unfortunatly the team has given up on that part.

Well, the way this team was set up was the students got to know all of us. If they didnt connect with one of us, then that was ok, I mean there is 9 others to go through. But the ones that come to me, I don't know why? I mean I know they have their reasons and all, but if they aren't going to atleast let me help them, then I don't know what to do? I worry about them sometime.

I don't just focus on the ones that are not doing good. I admit that I will look more towards them then the others, but I do pay attention to the ones who have succeed. It feels good to know that I helped someone, even if it was just being a person for them to hang out with or something small like that. I really like doing this program. I have Howard to thank. If that guy didn't bug me into speaking out then I would probably be at the other end, isnt that funny?

Blackbear