kitchemanitou

A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The
teacher asks
Tommy if he can spell 'before'.
He stands up and says, “Before, B-E-P-H-O-R.”
The teacher says, “No, that's wrong. Can anyone else
spell before?”
Another little boy stands up and says, “Before,
B-E-F-O-O-R.”
Again the teacher says, “No, that's wrong.” The
teacher asks, “Little
Johnny, can you spell
'before'?”
Little Johnny stands up and says, “Before,
B-E-F-O-R-E.”
“Excellent, Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?”
Little Johnny says, “That's easy. Two plus two be
fore.”
========================
Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, “You look
like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into
Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?”
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, “Could I have a blackboard and some
chalk?”
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein
proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.
Saint Peter is suitably impressed. “You really ARE Einstein!” he says.
“Welcome to heaven!”
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials.
Picasso asks, “Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?”
Saint Peter says, “Go ahead.”
Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few
strokes of chalk.
Saint Peter claps. “Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!”
he says. “Come on in!”
Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and
says, “Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?”
George W. looks bewildered and says, “Who are Einstein and Picasso?”
Saint Peter sighs and says, “Come on in,

=====
TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You retire on the income.

INDIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You worship them.

PAKISTAN ECONOMICS
You don't have any cows.
You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.
You ask the US for financial aid, China for military
aid, British for warplanes. Italy for machines,
Germany for technology, French for submarines,
Switzerland for loans, Russia for drugs Japan for
equipment.
You buy the cows with all this and claim exploitation
by the world.

AMERICAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk
of four cows.
You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.
You put the blame on some nation with cows & naturally
that nation will be a danger to mankind.
You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.

FRENCH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

GERMAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so that they live for 100 years,
eat once a month and milk themselves.

BRITISH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
They are both mad cows.

ITALIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.

SWISS ECONOMICS
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.


JAPANESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size
of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create cute cartoon cow images called
Cowkimon and market them
worldwide.

RUSSIAN ECONOMICS!
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 17 cows.
You give up counting and open another bottle of vodka.

CHINESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity
and arrest anyone
reporting the actual numbers.

NIGERIAN ECONOMICS:
You have two cows
You eat one and claim it was stolen
Call in the Police to investigate
Police arrest everyone living within 100km
Torture them thoroughly until someone admits
kidnapping the cow
The police then collect one cow each from everybody
arrested
You have your cow back and the Police now owns a
cattle farm

tsalagigirl