kitchemanitou

Try not to let your mind wander....It is too small and fragile to be out by itself!

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed.

"Grandson I wanna you lisin to me. I wanna for you to take my chromeplated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But Grandpa I really don't like guns so how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead."

"You lisina to me, soma day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina

have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home and maybe a couple of bambino. Soma day you goina comea home and maybe finda you wife with another man.

What you gonna do then? Point to you watch and say 'TIME'S UP'?"

vTwo 80 year old men are driving down the road when they hear the Ex-Lax commercial end with the statement: "It makes you feel young again." John looks at Sylvester and says, "We need to pull over and get a bottle of that stuff!" Sylvester agrees and the two old men pull over and get a bottle of Ex-Lax. They both take two tablespoons each and continue to drive. About one mile later Sylvester asks, "Well John, do you feel young yet?" "No," replies John. So they pull over and take four more tablespoons a piece and continue to drive down the road. A couple of miles later, Sylvester asks, "John, do you feel younger?" "No," replies John, "but I sure did a childish thing!"

FAMOUS LAST WORDS

What do you mean, "I'll be back"?

Why is the rest of the Star Trek landing party wearing a different color?

Pull the pin and count to what?

Which wire was I supposed to cut?

I wonder where the mother bear is.

I've seen this done on TV.

These are the good kind of mushrooms.

I'll hold it and you light the fuse.

What's that priest doing here?

You look just like Charles Manson.

Let it down slowly.

Rat poison only kills rats.

OK, I'll go ahead and make your day.

It can't possibly rain for forty days and nights.

I'll get your toast out.

Give me liberty or give me death.

Just take whatever you want, this is a ghost town.

It's strong enough for both of us.

This doesn't taste right.

I can make this light before it changes.

Nice doggie.

I can do that with my eyes closed.

I've done this before.

Well we've made it this far.

That's odd.

Hey that's not a violin.

I'll just slip into the commuter lane for a second.

I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.

You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses on, would you?

===============

It was following the resurrection and disciples were still somewhat scattered about Jerusalem and the surrounding villages. John finds Peter and runs up to him. Excitedly he says, "Peter, Peter! I've got some good news and some bad news." Peter takes ahold of John and calms him down. "Take it easy, John. What is it? What's the good news?" John says, "The good news is Christ is risen." Peter says, "That's great! But, what's the bad news?" John, looking around, says, "He's really steamed about last Friday."