kitchemanitou

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You let one rip in your sleep and don't care if he hears.

Talking dirty in bed means shouting obscenities when he hogs the blanket.

Chivalry's as dead as the door he lets slam in your face.

PMS lasts all month.

Your jumbo box of absorbent maxi-pads is on open display.

"Honey, what are you thinking?" is now, "Are you gone yet?!"

He yawns when you tell him about that guy hitting on you at work.

Those frilly, lacy, tiny panties have become way too uncomfortable.



When he lends you five bucks, he expects it back.

Big Jake"

A pilgrim was walking across the prairie during the days of the Old West when he came across a small town. Passing through the town, he noticed a saloon and decided to stop and quench his thirst. After ordering a beer, he stood at the bar and observed the other clientele in the saloon.

Suddenly the saloon door swung open, and a cowboy came running in yelling "Big Jake's comin'!" Within seconds the establishment had cleared, leaving the pilgrim and his beer alone at the bar. Sure enough, a huge seven-and-a-half foot, 500 pound Indian came swaggering in, tearing out the front door frame with his broad shoulders.

The Indian looked around the saloon, marched over to the pilgrim, picked him up by the scruff of the neck, and threw him over the bar, bellowing "Gimme a drink!" The pilgrim complied, placing the almost-full bottle next to the glass on the bar. The Indian tossed back the drink, then bit the neck off of the bottle and emptied that too.

At that point, the pilgrim, quaking in his boots, asked "Sir, would you care for another?" To which the Indian replied, "Nope. I gotta go. Big Jake's comin'!"

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Some folks ride the train of life

Looking out the rear,

Watching miles of life roll by,

And marking every year.

They sit in sad remembrance,

Of wasted days gone by,

And curse their life for what it was,

And hang their head and cry.

But I don't concern myself with that,

I took a different vent,

I look forward to what life holds,

And not what has been spent.

So strap me to the engine,

As securely as I can be,

I want to be out on the front,

To see what I can see.

I want to feel the winds of change,

Blowing in my face,

I want to see what life unfolds,

As I move from place to place.

I want to see what's coming up,

Not looking at the past,

Life's too short for yesterdays,

It moves along too fast.

So if the ride gets bumpy,

While you are looking back,

Go up front, and you may find,

Your life has jumped the track.

It's all right to remember,

That's part of history,

But up front's where it's happening,

There's so much mystery.

The enjoyment of living,

Is not where we have been,

It's looking ever forward,

To another year and ten.

It's searching all the byways,

Never should you refrain,

For if you want to live your life,

You gotta drive the train!

badmaninc

Shoulda put the honeymoon's over joke by itself, those were good.

little wolf

That joke about the honey moon being over is very true! It happens just like that!

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