Whiteman and Southern Affairs:
Notice to all persons of non-native ancestry

Please be advised that at the end of 2005, your 500 year lease to live in North America expires. Please note your damage deposit will not be returned. You should make arrangements to leave the continent before the date of expiration on the lease.

All persons of Non-Native ancestry wishing to remain on the continent shall be required to apply to the Ministry of First Nations Employment & Immigration Commission for information on applying for citizenship. Non-Indigenous spouses of First Nations are exempt from this notice. Failure to apply to the appropriate ministry for citizenship or landed immigrant status will result in expulsion from the continent.

Those persons of Non-Native Status will be subject to the provisions contained in the legislation entitled "The Whiteman’s Act." This act will be administered by the Department of Whiteman & Southern Affairs.

Also be advised that CBC’S Program "Hockey Night in Canada" shall be permanently replaced by "Bonanza Bingo Night in Canada" to be shown Monday nights at 7:00 p.m., 7:30 Innu time.

Please be advised of important previsions within the Whiteman Act:

1. All persons of Non-Native ancestry shall be registered on the Whiteman List and shall be given a Whiteman’s card for the purpose of so stating.

2. A Whiteman within the meaning of this act shall not be obligated to pay provincial sales tax, but shall be subject to the Indian Sales Tax, since the Goods & Services Tax shall be repealed forthwith. Notwithstanding this clause, if a registered Whiteman receives goods or services on land set aside for him, he shall be so exempt.

3. A Whiteman within the meaning of this act shall be entitled to the sum of five beads per annum.

Any questions arising from this notice may be directed to: The Honorable Chief "Wins at Bingo all the Time" (District Chief Whiteman & Southern Affairs).