kitchemanitou

A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' mother's name?"

One child answered, "Mary."

The teacher then asked, "Who knows what Jesus'father's name was?"

A little kid said, "The Verge."

Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get that?"

The kid said, "Well, you know they are always talking about The Verge 'n' Mary."

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A Blonde lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."



While walking through a parking lot, I tripped and fell flat on my face.

As I was lying there, a woman stopped her car and called out, "Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm fine," I said, touched by her concern.

"Oh, good," she continued. "So will you be vacating your parking space?"


A grossly overweight woman gets on a train and seats herself next to a man during rush hour. The train was packed and the woman turns to the man and says, "If YOU were a gentleman, you'd stand and let one of these other ladies sit down!"

The man looks at her and replies, "And if YOU were a lady, you'd stand and left FIVE or SIX of them sit down!!"



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He said... Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune? She said...Not at all honey, I'd love you no matter who left you the money.

She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk? He said... It's not my fault...I ran out of money.

On wall in ladies room: 'My husband follows me everywhere' Written just below it: 'I do not'

He said... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror.

He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight. She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

He said... "Shall we try somthing different tonight?" She said..."That's a good idea.... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."

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John asks his wife, Mary, what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. "Would you like a new mink coat?" he asks.

"Not really," says Mary.

"Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?" says John.

"No," she responds.

"What about a new vacation home in the country?" he suggests.

She again rejects his offer with a "No thanks."

"Well what would you like for your anniversary?" John asks.

"John, I'd like a divorce," answers Mary.

"Sorry, I wasn't planning to spend that much," says John.

MAKING BABIES

A Mommy just told her little girl all about the making of babies. Little Annie is, now, silent for a while.

"You understand it, now?" Mommy asks.

"Yes," replies her daughter.

"Do you still have any questions?"

"Yes, how about little kittens? How does that work?"

"In exactly the same way as with human babies."

"Wow!" the girl exclaims. "My daddy can do ANYTHING!"

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WHERE DID I COME FROM?

One day, our Little niece Rita went up to her mother and asked, "Mom, where did I come from?"

My sister in law stammered a bit, but finally got her composure. She thought it was time her daughter knew the facts of life. So, she told Little Rita how the expression of love resulted in the beginning of life, how life developed in the womb, and, finally, how a child was born.

As my sister in law gave the whole story, Rita's eyes got wider and wider.

When She was finished, Little Rita said "Wow, that's really neat. That sure beats what Uncle Rusty told me. He said that he came from Pennsylvania."

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Learning to MAKE BABIES

A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies, today."

The mother, more than a little surprised, said fearfully, "That's interesting. How do you make babies?"

"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

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DAD

My two daughters were having a discussion about family resemblance. "I look like Mom," said my nine-year-old, "but I have Dad's eyes and Dad's lips."

The six-year-old said, "And I look just like Dad. But, I have light hair."

Then, she turned to me. "Mom," she asked, "what does Dad have to do with us being born anyway?"

Her older sister jumped right in, "Don't be stupid, Christina. Dad is the one who drove Mom to the hospital."