chirapachegurl

what are some of the ways that you deal with your anger and the person you're angry at? i've tried the deep breathing, listening to soft music, taking a walk, sleeping in the other room, thinking about worst things that i could be mad about but it doesn't help me.

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If you allow the world to change you, only then can you change the world....

SheTurtle

chirapachegurl, bottom line: sometimes people just piss you off. They will annoy you to the point where you just lash out. The best thing to do in those cases is to cool off and apologize as quickly as possible. We can't go around blaming well-meaning people for our sudden lack of self-control.

Then there are the major transgressions, and they usually involve elements of betrayal, injury, and a violation of basic trust. These usually occur in our major relationships with family members, friends, spouses, significant others, and even bosses and co-workers. Throw in the mugger or rapist who turned your life upside down in an ugly moment of violence. your system is thrown into shock; not only are you angry, but you are deeply hurt. The anger will be there as long as you feel betrayed, violated, and hurt. Life as you know it may be completely changed at this moment.

The worst things that you can do with that anger is to stuff it, or act on the murderous feelings that come up with that kind of anger. I work with women in jail who did just that, and they are serving time for lashing out against the people who angered them. Most of them were high or drunk at the time they hurt or killed the person who angered them. Sometimes they did what they did in self defense, but a lot of times they did what they did with murderous intent. Whatever you do, you really don't want to go there.

If you have been the victim of a crime or an act of violence, go to the police and press charges. If you can find a trusted friend(s) and/or elder, counselor, therapist, or spiritual advisor, go to them and talk about what happened, and ask for their help about getting to the other side of this anger. Find a notebook and start writing down what happened and how you are feeling at that moment. Update it daily. Take a long, honest look at what part, if any, you had in this situation, and share this information honestly with yourself and whoever you choose as counsel.

Then you need to see if there is any possibility of reconciliation. This is where it gets really tricky. There are times that going back to the person would just result in further victimization; there is no hope of reconciliation, and you need to take care of yourself and move on. Sometimes there is a possibility of mending the rift, and both of you need to be willing to work towards a solution. We cannot think our ways towards a solution, we have to take appropriate actions. This might involve marriage or couples counseling, workplace mediation, divorce, or just finding another job.

Whatever the outcome, you have to give yourself enough time to make peace with it eventually. Prayer helps me a great deal, and so does practicing self-forgiveness, and probably forgiveness of the person(s) who angered us. Forgiveness does not necessarily involve forgiving the act, it just involves releasing the offender from further punishment from you. It will come to full circle when you find yourself in the position of helping someone in the future deal with a similar situation. You can tell them, "This is what happened to me, and this is what I did."

2lineCarrandMorgan

this is a helpfull

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its said by,Deganewidah
I am Deganewidah, and with the Five Nations confederate lords I plant the tree of the Great Peace. . . . Roots have spread out from the Tree . . . and the name of these Roots is the Great White Roots of Peace. If any man or any nation outside the Five Nations shall show a desire to obey the laws of the Great Peace . . . they may trace the Roots to their source . . . and they shall be welcomed to take shelter beneath the Tree. . . .
for my Dad

then again somtimes i see a woman in the trees she only looks at me and i can only look at her i m what she is now....i thank her as i see her... then somedays i see her as she was and that i will never be,and still we look at each other,
hello my Mother my sister today i saw you more than befor ,now i know i have a need more to walk with you here than ever i knew befor. Thank you

.
“Something is at work in all of us,”
Peter Kinew


Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass..It's about learning to dance in
the rain.
for the wolf

chirapachegurl

i've also tried the writin part, but i'm so upset at the time i can't even write. all i know is to think at what i'm mad about and know that i have a right to be mad, and i have a reason to be mad when in the end i don't. but all is true what SheTurtle said, past experiences have caused to me to have a huge guard up and have the mentality of "no one will mess with me, n if u do u will feel my wrath" (per say). i don't get physically violent or nor do i have thoughts of hurtin anyone i just feel angry and throw a 'tantrum'

__________________
If you allow the world to change you, only then can you change the world....

Joe's Dad

c-gurl, have you tried thinking about all the reasons you should be happy. I did the same sleep on the couch, take long rides, just get get away.

In the end, I just figured life was too short to go around angry.

I don't take alot of grief...but I don't give alot of grief , either.

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chirapachegurl

yeah i've thought about all the reasons why i should be happy: i have a very wonderful daughter (no i don't get angry at her, have u seen her big brown eyes???), a wonderful and supportive husband who loves and cares about me, we just bought our first home in the middle of nowhere so neighbors won't bother us, i have a stable job. but when certain things happen my reaction to it come out the way it does to avoid repeats from the past. it's my way of putting my foot down and sayin i won't stand for it. more like stomp my foot down. but i over do it and make a wonderful n bright sunny day into a dark n cloudy one that never goes away.

__________________
If you allow the world to change you, only then can you change the world....

Joe's Dad

Be careful. Had and ex-wife who thought yelling and anger were part of a normal life. Divorced her after 22 years. If it takes counseling to find out what causes your anger, do it. Sounds like you've got a good family and home.

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chirapachegurl

oh gosh, 22 yrs??? i know it's not normal to live life like that and i don't want to keep putting my husband through it which is why i'm askin how other people deal with anger. when i was younger i used to keep it all in, i didn't want to bother people with my feelings until i started gettin stepped on and got tired of it, now i feel as tho i am takin it out on my husband who's the closest person to me and it's not right.

__________________
If you allow the world to change you, only then can you change the world....

2lineCarrandMorgan

hi yall

i tryed dealing with anger with my breathing i slow down my breathing, i can think, i started getting away from exploding in yelling or harsh words somtime i still lose it but i have gotten a little more controll over my reaction to being upset.
i think it called somthing like bio rythem

meny times after i came to a end dealing with other ppl in anger i had to learn a nother way .and this is what i did, i did not go to class on it .its just what i had to do. later i learned what it was called after reading somthing and seeing that what i did,

fear of not having controll was a biggie for me and trusting in God to see me through helped me too to let go some what, and my pride too, i though a lot higher of my self than what i was getting back there again my need of excepetance had to change.

i dont know if this will help anyone but this is some of what has helped me.

__________________
its said by,Deganewidah
I am Deganewidah, and with the Five Nations confederate lords I plant the tree of the Great Peace. . . . Roots have spread out from the Tree . . . and the name of these Roots is the Great White Roots of Peace. If any man or any nation outside the Five Nations shall show a desire to obey the laws of the Great Peace . . . they may trace the Roots to their source . . . and they shall be welcomed to take shelter beneath the Tree. . . .
for my Dad

then again somtimes i see a woman in the trees she only looks at me and i can only look at her i m what she is now....i thank her as i see her... then somedays i see her as she was and that i will never be,and still we look at each other,
hello my Mother my sister today i saw you more than befor ,now i know i have a need more to walk with you here than ever i knew befor. Thank you

.
“Something is at work in all of us,”
Peter Kinew


Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass..It's about learning to dance in
the rain.
for the wolf

ac_miss

Could just be hormones or a hormone inbalance. Or could be a serious of medications that alter your moods. Might want to check with your doctor to be sure.

Your situation sounds a little like mine did over 10 years ago until I went to a doctor who told me several things. I won't go into details because it entails feminine issues, but it could be a reason why you're not able to suppress your anger.

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Bead All You Can Bead

chirapachegurl

could be this also, i noticed this also kind of started around the time i starting being on depo. then around a year ago i switched to nuva ring and i'm still having the anger issues so i'm not sure if being on contraceptives has anything to do with it. how did you get through it??

__________________
If you allow the world to change you, only then can you change the world....

SheTurtle

chirapachegurl, being hormonally challenged can definitely affect your moods, but it doesn't create them out of thin air. I know from personal experience that being hormonally challenged can breathe new life in existing attitudes.

I pm'd you. Check your inbox.

ac_miss