Grits & Beans

I know alcoholism is a major concern for ndns. And I think we all have loved ones that drink too much. What I want to know is what help can I give my loved ones that won't stop drinking? I can't give up hope but I don't know what to do? Any insight, wisdom or experiences you share would be appreciated. Heck, if you have a success story I'd like to hear it.

I have been straight (I don't know about clean but I've been sober :p ) for 7 years now! :) And I thank the Creator cause it's his work that I am sober and I love life more than I ever have. I have loved ones that drink or get high too much and I want them to have the same success with overcoming their addictions. I just don't know how to help them?

Any thoughts, suggestions, insight, experiences, support, wisdom and encouragement you share could benefit alot of people here. :)

I feel like this huge burden on my shoulders would be lifted if I could be useful in helping up our alcoholic loved ones.

One+

Inuvialuk

Carmen

I like you have many relatives with this problem. Thankfully my life is no longer affected directly by this. However, i know that while I have left it behind, the alcoholism is still there.

Since I could not control the people it affected I decided to try to control how it directly affected my life and that of my children. Now they are somewhat exposed to alcohol but not it any way that it is destructive. That is my control.

How to help them? I cant really say. I believe that you can show them the way, but I guarantee that they won't appreciate your position while you are doing it ( you will be the goody-goody - and that's the nice words!). What I would suggest is to attend some Al-anon meetings or even to see an al-anon counsellor and hear what they suggest.

I hope that things go well for you. Remember you really cannot change someone - they have to want to change, but you can affect their life.
:36:

fmreyna

i agree. my father has a problem with alcohol . as i was growing up i always tried to change him. make him stop drinking. but the only ones that can do that is the person with the problem. if they dont want to help themselves its a hard road for the person trying to help. I went to alateen meetings and they help. they let you realize that as much as you want to help the person that person has to take the first step to recovery. I know this isnt what you want to hear because i didnt want to hear it either. 22 years later my father is still drinking not as much but he is still doing it. it is easier for me right now only because im 1600 miles away from him now. but it still hurts me. try to go to an alanon meeting and get some of the literature. see if maybe you can talk that person into going to the aa meeting with you. it would be a start. the people that are there are very understanding and are never condiscinding.

ndn_butterfly

Well I agree with what the person said about..people have to want to change themselves, but you can make an impact on their life.
Throughout my life time, I've known a lot of people to be alcoholics..My grandpa was one of them:(
Also, from what i've observed, a lot of people don't learn from their mistakes..and you think other people would learn or try and learn their lesson from seeing bad things happening.
Just recently (last weekend), there was a death in my community, and it was alcohol related, and this guy was pretty young! (b/w 20-22 yrs old) but personally I can't see anyone learning from that experience. My sis is trying..which i'm proud of. I don't really know what suggestions to make, but it's a good thing you're concerned and you want to do something about it. It shows that you're a caring person w/ a big heart. Just try your best..in the long run, at least you can say you've tried:)

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couzin_21

In my faily theres not alot of alcoholics but there is some... my couzin almost died from alcohole his liver couldn't take it anymore... tha doctors thought he was going to die.. but thank tha lord he didn't... He stoped drinking for awhile after that. but than tha stupid doctors told him he was okay to drink again, and so he did...... he wont listen to anyone... so all we could do is pray!!! I aee my older brothers turning to alcohol lately. and its getting worse... its not a weekend thing anymore but its a nightly thing.... i dont know what to say to thwm that i havent already!!! and so now i think ill leave it in Gods hands....

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"Im givin you shot gun only because im going inside".

nativespirit12

Carmen,
First I would like to congradulate you on your seven years of Sobriety. It takes alot of courage to admit we have a problem and that our lives have become unmanageable. I have 2 years clean and sober and have found a freedom like no other. I never thought it would be so easy, as a woman, to stop using and there would be an easier way of living if I only surrendered. I too have family who are still drinking and using, and I had found through my step work that I was angry at the fact that I could not drink or use anymore and when I went around my family, I would get very angry because they could still drink. I found that we all have choices in life and I had made the right choice to stop and they have made the choice to still use. I learned that if I prayed to creator and gave my family back to him, that he would take care of them. I can only change myself, but by me staying in the fellowship of the 12 steps and working a program of change, I am the example to my family and maybe what I have will rub off on them. Ask your family member if they would like to go to a meeting, you can only keep what you have by giving it away...I would like to keep in touch with you...my e-mail is nativespirit12@hotmail.com....Aho my sister.....

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aho...

Plenty Fox

Seven years! Congrats Carmen! You done good.

Runsinthewynd

hey carmen,

try contacting an Alcoholics Anonymous counselor to set up some meetings with your tribe or something. If your loved one is visiting a clinic, ask the doctor to prescribe AA. We do it all the time. Take care

Grits & Beans

What I'm tripping on is that it seems all natives have at least one loved one that drinks too much. That's what blows my mind. I just wanted to share what I did with my first post. And put my thoughts out there for people to read and see what kind of feedback I would get.

And nativespirit, I will email you sometime in the near future. And we can get to chatting.

Oh by the way, I'm not involved in any AA program or group. If I did need help I know I can turn to AA. Like I said, I expressed my thoughts and hoped for feedback and I got it. So thank you guys.

WhoMe

Carmen:

Every alcoholic has to hit rock bottom before they can help themselves.

Don't be an enabler. As long as an alcoholic can fall back on someone, they will.

As long as they can make someone feel sorry for them, they will.

They have to HIT ROCK BOTTOM.

Above all, let the alcoholic in your life, know that you will love them no matter what.

Riverwoman

I was going to say the exact same thing! Thanks Whome. Been sober my self for 2 1/2 years now.

Dezgn8veDriver

The best thing to help out your loved one is to stand by them regardless, especially until he or she can ADMIT they have a problem. Inform he/she you will not abandon them but you also will not allow them to manipulate or cause you strife in YOUR life.

Honesty is the best policy on this path to serenity, so let your actions show your loved one you care for their well-being and when he/she is ready, you'll be there to help them every step of the way.

Addiction, regardless of the type, whether it be alcoholism, drugs, gambling, shopping, eating, etc., is an everyday disease, some days will be better than others, so be patient not only for your loved one, but also yourself.

Good luck CARMEN and all others fighting the addictions

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"Those who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those doing it."

~ Ah nech me hewet ~ :49: